suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
