the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
