no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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