Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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