We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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