My sheets look like a crime scene.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
