I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
