i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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