Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
