Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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