Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
