the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
