Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
