I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
