Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So vagazzling was a success
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
