too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
