I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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