Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
