yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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