So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
