You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
