First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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