so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
