I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
