im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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