They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
