Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
