How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
