I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
