note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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