I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
