butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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