Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
