I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
