We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
