Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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