this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
