just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can text with my tongue
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
