wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
