Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
