Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
