I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
