I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
