I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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