I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
