very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
