i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
