The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
