it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
