I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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