nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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