When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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