i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
