He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
