It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
