cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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