I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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