Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What drink are we having for lunch?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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