I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
