i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
another moral hangover. fuck.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
