I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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