There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
high people should be assigned attendants
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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