i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
