My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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