I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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