Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
