Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my poor anus
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
