I wish I could teleport
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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