There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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