I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
