didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
