May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
