Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick