Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (751) Bad night (2528)
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  (510): View more from California

  It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...

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  (510): It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house... http://tfl.nu/3wgf
  Replies (6) Good night (3305) Bad night (507)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4353) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."

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  (250): He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that." http://tfl.nu/vmd9
  Replies (37) Good night (1281) Bad night (5348) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.

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  (204): you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested. http://tfl.nu/msf1
  Replies (13) Good night (5427) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.

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  (404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating. http://tfl.nu/jrr4
  Replies (34) Good night (5737) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.

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  (913): Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals. http://tfl.nu/wv0a
  Replies (22) Good night (8238) Bad night (981)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.

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  (412): This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun. http://tfl.nu/9a4x
  Replies (10) Good night (1279) Bad night (3529) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

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  (727): My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out. http://tfl.nu/gjqc
  Replies (5) Good night (8130) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

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  (734): Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold? http://tfl.nu/ybs2
  Replies (7) Good night (2983) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

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  (415): I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/lmmj
  Replies (6) Good night (1053) Bad night (3352) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.

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  (231): using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/yfpy
  Replies (8) Good night (650) Bad night (1981) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.

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  (607): To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail. http://tfl.nu/vfu4
  Replies (5) Good night (1428) Bad night (484)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.

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  (508): Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering. http://tfl.nu/eppe
  Replies (8) Good night (472) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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  (310): Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing http://tfl.nu/gwvn
  Replies (3) Good night (483) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt

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