I could have mohawked her pubes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire