It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
