So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.