It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.