I puked a lego.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
