i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
