How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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