we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Pooping to opera.
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