I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
