Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
