You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
